i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's the barista slut.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i think my cat just said my name.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
