when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's Friday. Sex?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sorry about my life...
I'm both gender and math confused
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
