My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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