im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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