my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
