I'm so fucking centered right now
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
