Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
