There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
thus making me awesome and them whores
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
