Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone came in the potted fern
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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