If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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