He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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