yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
