On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
