he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
