Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
