ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
