Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
