My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize