The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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