I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
