At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
