Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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