I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
