apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
