Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
