Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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