I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
