Cold hands, warm shart.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
