Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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