The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize