why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
