fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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