i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
