I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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