wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
