i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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