He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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