I heard we made out
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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