I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
