Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize