I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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