All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
