I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
