finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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