Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize