"it" just moved
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
