Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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