Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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