My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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