i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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