thus making me awesome and them whores
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
