OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
