Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
be right there i have to get my cape
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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