I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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