by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
