I'm going to jail i love you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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