so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
