You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize