he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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