I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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