I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize