life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you made out with another girl for some wings
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
