Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
