the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
