hotel room ftw
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
