I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
