Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
