Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
from now on my penis is your penis
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
