I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
