Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
