Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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