so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
