dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
